Would You Ungay Yourself? My Response on Sexuality; Being Gay, Bisexual or Pansexual in Adelaide

The other day in my Ungay blog, I asked if given the chance of a miracle ‘cure’, would you choose the option of turning straight? I got a fair few responses to this & thank you all for commenting! To those who asked why I would ask such a question, it very much ties in with idea of Sexuality that I’ve talked about with a few people.

Most poeple who answered the question were, strictly speaking, gay. That is to say, they identified as male and they were attracted to others who were male and identified as male. This isn’t 100% correct in the terms that I identify myself as.

Sure, alot of the time I’ll simply say ‘I’m gay’, as it’s the easy thing to do. This sounds very silly, especially during my initial coming out period. I suppose that’s why I, and many others, begin to come out as ‘bisexual’ rather than gay.
In truth, I identify as being as much bisexual as I do as being gay. Not very much at all.

I’ve talked this through with some friends of mine, many times. Some of them get absolutely confused with it; and I’m not suprised. I confuse myself with it sometimes!

I suppose, it boils down to the basics of what I identify as. I determine ‘gay’ as being exclusively attracted to the same identifying sex. That is, male to male, female to female. I think we can mostly agree that a majority of people identify gay as being the same thing.

I see bisexual as someone who is attracted to male or female identifying people. Again, simple enough.

In these two descriptions; the sex of the person- the identifying sex- is used to show what the sexuality is. What would happen if the gay person was in a relationship with someone who transitioned from m to f? Do they stop loving that person simply because they are no longer a male? I believe some people would. I don’t believe that I would.

I don’t exactly know what the term for it would be. Some have suggest ‘fluid’ or ‘pansexual’- a sexuality where one is attracted to ‘people’. Not attracted to males, females or other. Simply attracted to people.
I think that this is what I am. If it is a guy or a girl, or even transitioning; if we got along in the mindset then I would have no problems with persuing a relationship with that person.

Over the last few years I’ve pretty much exclusively dated guys. I think I’ve had maybe half a dozen female- hookups in the last couple years (which are all met with horror when my friends find out, as I’m ‘gay’). There have been a few of these hookups (plus some that I didn’t hook up with) that I would have gladly persued a relationship with, had a few things been different.

I think the last female that I would have definitely persued a relationship with, was back in Year 12 at Hamilton Secondary. However, just happened that I was with a guy (or two) back then.

So how does this fit in with the Ungay question?

Well, I read the question on another blog, and it got me seriously thinking. Most people were outright saying that No. They would not go straight.

I don’t think I saw any replies from people who were bisexual- half half. Or, other to say.

So it made me think. Do bisexual people get pressured into choosing a side? I think that in todays world, especially for teenagers in accepting areas, it’s almost a ‘cool’ or common thing for them to be bisexual. I think at least a dozen people I met through high schools were ‘bisexual’. I’ll admit, I personally think that some of these were girls doing it to look cool for the guys, but hey: if they enjoy it then why not!

So do bisexuals later down the path maybe choose to be straight, or gay? Or is it not that simple?

It also had me thinking that I’m not even 100% sure of what my own sexuality is- and I think it is something that I need to be content knowing that I may never feel 100% secure with a define sexuality, as the more you try to define it, the less defined it becomes. I mean, even if you try to define the term ‘fluid’, how can you define something fluid? It is truly like the idea of putting water into your cupped hands. The more you try to grip it (define it) the less water (fluidity) you actually hold. In the end, you don’t have fluid, but a couple of drops left over.
So would I choose to ungay myself? Yes, I honestly think I would.

I am happy with my life. I have a good home, a good job, and good friends. I’ve been through some very rough times, and I’ve been through a few good ones. I have seen what a gay life has been like, and I- once upon a time- lived closeted and enjoyed that life. Dating girls, going to straight parties, etc. I think that I could very much enjoy that lifestyle too. I can (and always have been able to) definately picture marrying a woman in a church, settling down in a house & having kids. I’ve wanted that for a long time.

How could I turn my back on this? I don’t really know. & this tears me up inside more than anything else I think. While I’m happy identifying as gay- and being called gay- I feel like I’m wearing a jacket that is a little too big for me. When I came out in Adelaide as being gay, it’s as if I jumped into the deep end of a swimming pool, thinking I would be able to tread water. Unfortunately I forgot how to swim, and now I’m just treading water unable to get back to the side.

The more time that passes that I live my life in the ‘gay’ world of little-old-Adelaide, the more I feel like I’ve become segregated from the heterosexual world. While many people are happy for this to happen, I feel very different. I feel that I have completely lost touch with who I used to be. While, in some ways this is a good thing; I miss a lot of qualities that I used to have.

I suppose the trip that I have planned at the need of this year to France has a lot to do with this. It’s a chance for me to get away by myself. Force myself out into the unknown world. Inevitably, I will encounter- and probably seek out- gay guys to meet along the trip; but the idea of meeting such a wide variety of people along the way it just as thrilling as the trip itself. I suppose, it is very much one of those Hollywood ‘trips to find yourself’ style things.

Well, I’ll leave this here. I’m sorry if any of this offended anyone! confused you! or made you think less of me!